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Mothers and daughters: the bond that heals, the bond that wounds.
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п»ї<title>Gaslighting, the most subtle and corrosive form of abuse.</title>

Has anyone ever made you believe that you were crazy? That what you claim so much has never happened? When you are made to doubt your judgment, what you believe has happened, you can become confused and even fall into depression. It is a very effective strategy of manipulation that many people use to make others suffer and take advantage of them. We are talking about Gaslighting, also known as gaslighting, the most subtle and corrosive form of abuse.
The term "Gaslighting" is not chosen at random, but is taken from a movie known as "Gaslight" in which the protagonist makes his wife believe that she is delirious and that she should go to a psychologist. All this has a purpose, to steal her fortune. A real torture for anyone who becomes a victim of this brutal deception.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse.
Gaslighting, the manipulators' weaponAlthough we are not yet very familiar with this term, the truth is that Gaslighting is used much more often than we think. It is one of the manipulators' weapons, the one with which they can make the victim go crazy and end up submitting to what they want. Do you need to see some examples? Maybe they are familiar to you.
Let's imagine that there is a couple in which one of the partners tells the other that when they had a certain conversation they felt hurt. The other person tells him/her that he/she doesn't remember that, that he/she is making it up and that he/she would never have said that. Although this can be questioned, the manipulator has just sown something very important: the seed of doubt.
From then on, a series of circumstances will occur that will remind the victim of that moment when her partner told her that things had not been as she had imagined. In any other similar situation, the manipulator will tell her that she is exaggerating, that she is lying, that her extreme sensitivity is playing tricks on her. The seed will germinate and, little by little, the other person may come to think that he or she is really blowing things out of proportion.
If you start lying to avoid being changed or constantly question your ideas and actions, you may be a victim of manipulation.
In the most extreme cases, the person who carries out this type of abuse hides objects and constantly causes the other person to think that he or she has a wrong perception and that his or her memories are unreliable. The reason why this is done is nothing more than to subdue the other, to feel empowered, to hurt or to achieve a certain goal, as in the movie "Gaslight". What we do have clear is that it is a clear sign of a toxic relationship in which one of its members acquires a great insecurity, constant doubts about what he/she believes to be true and an absolute dependence on the opinion of others.
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Trust your intuitionIs it difficult to get out of such a situation? Of course it is, as it is in any situation where there is a person willing to manipulate us. But, it is not impossible. That is why it is important to take into account certain keys that allow us to open our eyes and get out of a situation like the one we are describing, in case someone is trying to Gaslight us at some point.
The first of these keys is to trust our intuition. When we feel that there is something strange, that something does not fit, we cannot give the whole truth to the other person. Our instinct is speaking to us and we have to listen to it. It is usually at least as "right" as someone else may be.
The second key is not to seek the other person's approval. This is something we often do because of low self-esteem or because we depend on that acceptance. But, if our instinct is already telling us that something smells bad, don't agree with the person who tells us that a certain conversation never happened.
Let them know how we feel and how we experience it. Let us make it clear that there is also the possibility that the other person has forgotten what happened and that we do not offend him/her when we question his/her memories, just as the other person should not offend us when he/she questions ours.
The third of these keys is to remain firm in our limits. If the other person yells at us, if he or she uses hurtful words with us or we notice that he or she is trying to use us to get us to do what he or she wants, let's say so and not let it go. Let us not allow someone to cross our limits or reinforce the idea that they can do so with impunity, as these must be insurmountable. Once we give in there is no turning back and a psychologically abusive person will take advantage of this opportunity.
Gaslighting can destroy our self-esteem, cause us to completely lose confidence in our judgment, provoke anxiety disorders and even lead to a state of depression.
We may doubt ourselves, but in such a case it is best to seek evidence independently. Think of Gaslighting as a strategy that feeds the belief that we experience a reality very different from what an objective narrator would detail. Thus, our thoughts begin to become obsessive, giving even more force to this idea.
Moving away from the person who is making us feel so bad is important to take distance and analyze the situation from a new perspective where manipulation cannot intervene. Giving the reason to the other person, when he/she makes us doubt ourselves, will give him/her all the power to destroy us.
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I am what I am because I was born where I was born.
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п»ї<title>Do you know how drugs affect empathy?</title>

Our ability to understand other people and put ourselves in their place will dictate to a large extent the way, our way, of living experiences. A way that will be conditioned by our learning, but also by our personality or even, as we tell you in this article, the consumption of certain drugs that seem to affect empathy.
However, Molly Crockett, a neuroscientist at Oxford University, believes that we need more research to see how drugs really affect certain aspects of our mind, and by extension, our behavior.
That said, it is clear that they can have an impact on decisions as important as the attitude with which we face a problem, the choices we make when faced with a moral dilemma, and even our ability to empathize with people around us. In other words, our perception of the world can be greatly influenced by the medication we take.
"A disordered conduct sharpens the wit and falsifies the judgment."
-Louis de Bonald
In an experiment conducted by University College London and Oxford University, a group of researchers led by neuroscientist Molly Crockett have definitively and empirically demonstrated the influence of medication on the empathic behaviors of different patients.
The model implemented divided the volunteer participants into two groups. In a first set we found people who received an antidepressant. The rest received a drug prescribed for Parkinson's Disease.
The first group that had taken an antidepressant - which increases serotonin levels - demonstrated altruistic attitudes. In fact, they were even willing to pay a higher price if they could avoid the pain of others, but also their own.
Meanwhile, the group that had taken the drug indicated for Parkinson's disease, which acts directly on dopamine, showed a much more selfish and withdrawn attitude than the other group.
Conclusions of the study It was already known that neurotransmitters, such as dopamine and serotonin, have a direct relationship with behavior. Previously, other studies had shown that the former promotes aggressiveness and psychopathic behavior, while the latter acts on civility, reducing violent attitudes.
"There are men whose conduct is a continual lie."
-Baron Holbach
Now, to what extent do drugs influence these neurotransmitters, do they really have such a great importance in the behavior and decisions made by a particular human being? Hence, this study wanted to try to establish a practical scope for the influence of drugs affecting empathy and decisions.
Thus, people who took the antidepressant drug were generous, preventing others from suffering. Suffering that they were even able to avoid at the expense of their own.
Meanwhile, the group that received the Parkinson's drug showed less generosity, but did try to avoid both their own and other people's suffering. They did not prioritize others, but tried to ensure that no one suffered.
According to Molly Crockett, this discovery will be the foundation on which great advances will be built, especially in the control of antisocial behavior. Thanks to the results obtained, we now have a better understanding of how drugs act on hormone levels.
That said, everything points to the fact that people with a high serotonin level are more altruistic. Although it is not known what is behind this discovery and the actual levels that each volunteer had during the study, it seems clear that they have uncovered a new line of research.
Be that as it may, it is clear that we must be cautious about these results. There is much to be done and much to be discovered, although it is clear that drugs can have a decidedly greater impact on an individual's personality and behavior than previously thought.
Would this research help to create a more just, altruistic and generous society? Perhaps so, however, there are many implications that we must take into account even if the results were to be successful. For example, ethics.
Is it ethical to administer a particular drug knowing that it will act on an individual's personality and behavior, and does anyone really have the moral sufficiency over another being to decide to prescribe a drug against someone's will, or even if that person agrees?
At the moment there is a long way to go in this regard. However, it is clear that there are drugs that affect empathy, behavior and our way of acting in society. Don't forget to keep this in mind the next time you decide to take medication or your doctor prescribes a particular treatment.
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How to find inner silence in a noisy world
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п»ї<title>How to find inner silence in a noisy world</title>

Inner silence is a very old concept, which has once again gained notoriety. To understand what it is, let's think about the noise of the world. This does not only refer to those strident sounds that we encounter every day in big cities. It also refers to the multitude of elements that disturb our peace and quiet.
Thus, we can speak of an outer silence and an inner silence. Outer silence is the absence of sounds. It corresponds to those magnificent states in which external noise disappears. On the other hand, inner silence refers to a subjective state in which there are no elements that disturb tranquility.
Both inner and outer silence provide great benefits to our brain. Both the absence of noise and the absence of stressful stimuli facilitate a unique form of rest. They revitalize. They clear the mind and moderate emotions. There is nothing like silence to renew us.
"All the problems of mankind stem from man's inability to sit alone and in silence in a room."
-Blaise Pascal
Inner silence and contact with ourselvesOne of the most difficult aspects to cope with in today's world is the bombardment of stimuli to which we are exposed. The most worrying thing is that a good part of them have a stamp of haste or urgency. We don't even wake up and we already have a large number of worries on our minds.
Technology is absorbing a good part of our time. Partly because of work and because we have developed dependencies towards social networks. They are a space for socialization and communication that we are constantly urged to consult.
Under these conditions it is practically impossible to establish a real contact with ourselves. To do so, we would need spaces of inner silence, i.e. we would have to reduce the volume of stimuli to a minimum and leave blank times that allow us to return to our own thoughts and emotions to listen to them.
Living in a noisy worldInner and outer silence are interrelated. Today we have much more auditory stimuli than ever before. We constantly feel called out of ourselves by external noises. A siren screaming, an engine roaring or a tone announcing the arrival of a new message. All this happens with an impressive density.
Sometimes we feel like going far away, to a place where there is no noise at all. If we can do it, nothing better than to do it. The bad thing is that it is often not possible because commitments prevent us from doing so. However, we do not have to resign ourselves to this constant burden.
It is not necessary to start practicing yoga or meditation exercises. Just one thing is enough: reduce the number of stimuli we receive. Simplify life. Eliminate the feeling of obligation in front of everything and stay only with the essential.
Listening to oneself and making contactWhen we do not have moments of inner silence, we remain tense. And with time, this tension turns into suffering. We live in suffering. That is no way to live. To get out of this state, we have to learn to set limits, both in the stimuli we receive and in the mandates we impose on ourselves.
In today's world, the first limit to set is with technology. We spend a lot of time on our social networks and emails. We've gotten the idea that everything is a great addition to our lives, but it's not. They rob us of valuable moments and prevent us from listening to ourselves.
A good idea is to have two cell phones: one for work and one for personal matters. Once the work day is over, we should turn off the work cell phone and turn it on again the next day. Likewise, it is worth thinking, every day, what is the real contribution that interactions on social networks make to us. We will probably discover that it is very little. That would encourage us to limit access to them.
Only from inner silence can we listen to what our body is saying. Its complaints, its alerts, its pleasures. We also need this form of silence to rediscover ourselves and identify what we think and what we feel about our life. Inner silence is a gift that we should not deny ourselves.
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The case of the man who shot his second head.
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п»ї<title>What is a psychological autopsy</title>

Psychological autopsy is a forensic technique designed to establish or clarify the causes of a suicide and, in some cases, to corroborate whether or not a person's death was actually caused by suicide. It is a relatively new field that only began to be applied systematically in the 21st century.
The term psychological autopsy was first used in the 1950s in the work of Shneidman and Farberow. Edwin S. Shneidman was an American clinical psychologist who devoted himself to the study of suicidiology and thanatology. Together with Norman Farberow and Robert Litman, he founded the Los Angeles Suicide Prevention Center in 1958.
However, the concept of psychological autopsy had already been hinted at in the United States since the 1920s. After the era known as the Great Depression, there was a wave of suicides in that country. This kind of epidemic attracted the attention of many scientists and attempts were made to look for common causes. However, it was only with Shneidman and Farberow that this concept was consolidated.
"Suicide is the worst kind of murder, because it leaves no room for repentance."
-John Churton Collins
The psychological autopsyWhat is done in a psychological autopsy is an indirect and retrospective reconstruction of the life and personality of the deceased. It is an investigative process that seeks to establish the circumstances and reasons that led a person to suicide.
In general terms, it has two main objectives. The first is forensic; the second is epidemiological. The psychological autopsy is ordered within the framework of a criminal investigation and constitutes a tool to complement the medico-legal autopsy. It is applied, almost always in cases where the cause of death is doubtful.
From an epidemiological point of view, this tool aims to collect relevant information to establish behavioral expressions, circumstances, motivations, etc. All this information should serve to establish common risk factors with the aim of preventing or avoiding new suicides.
Although to a lesser extent, this instrument also serves other purposes, such as establishing the legal validity of actions prior to death (e.g., signing documents). It can also be used to evaluate whether there were errors in praxis in people who were under medical or psychological treatment, to structure psychological profiles and to construct criminological categories, among others.
The investigative toolsThis type of autopsy is basically elaborated from three tools: the study of the crime scene, the collection of psychological traces and the interview of people close to the victim. The study of the crime scene gives important clues about the whole case. The method chosen, the arrangement of objects around the body and other similar elements provide valuable information.
The collection of psychological traces has to do with the collection of letters, messages, diaries and all those documents or information that can serve either to establish a psychological profile of the victim or to clarify the circumstances in which his death occurred.
Interviewing people close to the victim also serves the purpose of gathering information about the personality or motivations for the suicide. This is one of the most controversial procedures of the psychological autopsy, since it is very difficult to establish the biases or interests that those surrounding the suicide may have had.
Protocols to followThere are several protocols for performing a psychological autopsy. However, one of the most widely used is the MAPI model, created by Dr. Teresita Garcia Perez. She is the Cuban physician who gave shape to this method, which has proven to be very practical and functional. It is the most widely applied in the Hispanic world. The word MAPI refers to the four basic aspects to be analyzed. These are:
M-Mental. It analyzes cognitive skills and abilities, such as judgment, cognition, intelligence, memory and attention, among others.
A-Affective. It looks for signs of possible affective disorders, such as depression.
P-Psychosocial. Examines the relationship circles of the victim, throughout his or her life.
I-Interpersonal. It establishes how the person used to relate to his or her immediate environment.
The protocol indicates that the first thing to do is to work at the place of the facts, to capture psychological traces, signs and indications of the circumstances of the suicide.
Then a structured interview is conducted with three people close to the victim, on 60 dimensions. Such interviews are conducted between one and six months after the events.
Finally, an interdisciplinary analysis is carried out with the participation of a psychologist, a doctor and at least one criminologist. From this, an expert report is drawn up, the nature of which is probabilistic. This report establishes the cause of death, based on the NASH code: Natural, Accidental, Suicide or Homicide. Finally, the possible causes of the event are stated.
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Catastrophic thinking or "making a negative video" of everything.
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п»ї<title>Catastrophic thinking or "making a negative video" of everything.</title>

Catastrophic thinking is often expressed in two ways in our lives. The first is when we magnify or maximize a difficulty or negative situation. The second takes place when we look over the horizon and can only visualize the worst-case scenario for the problems we have or the situations we face.
Colloquially it is said that those who have catastrophic thinking make a "negative video". Something like that is what happens. It is as if the mind produces a whole movie, that is, a sequence of events. The distinctive thing about those events is that they are very bad or have a halo with a great destructive capacity. Whoever acts like this is as if he needs to martyr himself with his own imagination.
People with a high level of anxiety and depression usually work with catastrophic thoughts, being this one of the elements that make precisely that depression or anxiety is maintained. That these ideas come to mind is a consequence of a state of mind that is upset. It is this state of mind that leads us to fantasize about the worst, the macabre or the horrible. Let's see what this is all about.
"The optimist always has a project. The pessimist always has an excuse."
-Anonymous author
The characteristics of catastrophic thinkingThe main feature of catastrophic thinking is that it is not based on the recognition of real risks. It is a thinking sustained almost exclusively on the level of the imaginary or fantastic. In other words, the dangers, threats or damages that are visualized are basically improbable, if not impossible.
A person dominated by catastrophic thinking may feel that his heart is pounding. He may not associate it with the fact that he had a cup of coffee a while ago, or that he walked very fast in the last five minutes. Rather, you will see it as the beginning of a heart attack or definitive proof that you are aging by leaps and bounds.
Someone with catastrophic thinking will also not board an airplane because he "senses" that he may die in a terrible accident. Or fall in the middle of the sea and be devoured by sharks. In short. As we can see, catastrophic thoughts are usually not impossible, but improbable. A "catastrophist" will choose the worst of all options to imagine the future. This, of course, will have very negative consequences on his emotional state and behavioral patterns.
The origin of this type of thinkingBehind catastrophic thinking, there is a kind of script or parley. In other words, a scheme of thought that repeats itself. Something like a template that is applied to everything that passes through the mind. We self-program ourselves to think of the world in terrible terms.
Why does this happen? We already said it. It's a way that the anxiety and/or depression we carry is expressed. Those moods feed and feed back on themselves. They are like a snowball that grows and becomes invasive. Catastrophism is one of its manifestations.
For some it also becomes a kind of defense mechanism. It is as if thinking about the worst would allow us to feel relieved that such an improbable scenario did not happen. Somehow, they feel that thinking about the worst protects them from disappointment and pain. A kind of "flight forward" that, however, envelops them in a skein of unnecessary anguish.
The consequences of thinking this wayCatastrophic thinking, like all our thoughts, is always accompanied by a set of feelings and emotions. By giving it free rein we only manage to increase fear, anger, resentment, guilt, sadness, pessimism and so on. In other words, it becomes a way of cultivating the worst part of ourselves.
On the other hand, in an imperceptible way it also turns us into very demanding subjects. Either everything has to be perfect or chaos looms. Either people are blameless, or they are exerting a harmful influence on our lives. Thus, we end up becoming eternally dissatisfied, denying the imperfection of reality and becoming disillusioned in advance with everything and everyone. This is not a good way to live, in any case.
At this point, it is time to evaluate whether any of this is happening to us. Perhaps we are taking the wrong path to deal with some previous discomfort or some unresolved conflict. Catastrophic thinking does not protect us or help us to unburden ourselves. Rather, it robs us of initiative and makes us more nonconformist. In this way, we have spoken of the seed of bitterness.
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Phases of the menstrual cycle: psychological characteristics.
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п»ї<title>Phases of the menstrual cycle: psychological characteristics.</title>

Every month, women have menstruation, a period that we often experience as horrifying, either because we have been taught so or because of our experiences. However, the changes we undergo are part of a natural phenomenon with different phases.
That's right, during the menstrual cycle there are quite distinct stages. Understanding how we can feel in each one will open the doors so that the menstrual cycle is not a negative turning point in our well-being.
In addition to menstruation, which is perhaps the best known phase because of its more obvious characteristics and also because advertising has been more interested in it, there are also: the follicular phase, the ovulation phase and the luteal phase. We will now go into each one of them, see what it is about and what measures we can take so that it does not condition our condition in a negative way.
On the other hand, let's remember that the menstrual cycle is an organic process, so knowing it will also improve communication with our body: we will know how to identify more signals and interpret them better.
Phases of the menstrual cycleThere are 4 phases of the menstrual cycle. In addition, in each one there is a certain production of hormones and neurotransmitters. Thus, thanks to the measurement of this production, we can describe quite accurately what happens in this phase.
The menstrual cycle begins on the first day of the menstrual period and ends one day before the next menstrual period. However, being aware that this varies, we can say that it lasts between 21 and 35.
It is inevitable that the changes that occur in our hormones do not have an impact on the emotional level. Hormones affect the chemical balance of our brain and, therefore, indirectly affect our mood.
Menstruation phaseThe phases of the menstrual cycle condition many of the emotions and behaviors of women during those days. Thus, during menstruation there is a drop in estrogen, a hormone that affects the excitability of the nervous system. It also increases the levels of some neurotransmitters, such as enkephalins, endorphins and serotonin.
When the estrogen level drops, the amount of these neurotransmitters in our body also decreases; the same ones that make us feel good. In addition, the estrogenic decrease lowers the levels of estradiol, a hormone that influences sexual appetite. In parallel, there are also lower levels of progesterone, a hormone that affects nervous tension and irritability.
Now, we could take advantage of this phase to focus on ourselves. This is a period that favors introspection. Therefore, related activities, such as writing, tend to be more fluid. It is also a good time to make decisions that require analysis and calm.
Follicular phaseThe length of the follicular phase, the first phase of the menstrual cycle, varies from woman to woman. It will also depend on the growth of the ovarian follicles. It begins on the day the period starts and culminates with the growth of the egg. At this stage the luteinizing and follicle-stimulating hormones are produced, which cause estrogens to be generated.
The amount of estrogens increases progressively at this stage, mainly estradiol. This translates at the biological level into an increase in neurotransmitters such as enkephalins, endorphins, and serotonin. And, by day eleven, areas associated with the reward system are activated.
What happens at the biological level is reflected at the psychological level. In this phase, the sensation of happiness and sexual desire increases. In addition, strength and energy increase with the increase of estradiol.
This stage is an unparalleled opportunity to undertake projects. Thanks to the activation of the reward systems, it is a phase that encourages us to plan and achieve goals. At this time, it will be easier to feel that the effort invested has been profitable.
Ovulatory phaseThe next phase of the menstrual cycle is the ovulatory phase. When the egg completes its maturation process, the pituitary gland produces an increase in luteinizing hormone, which is responsible for ovulation. The egg may be fertilized by a sperm within 12 to 36 hours, resulting in pregnancy if fertilization occurs, or the next menstruation if it does not.
What is the process? In this phase estrogens increase, and enzymes are produced that allow the follicular tissue to degrade. This allows the maturation of the ovum to be completed and subsequently released. During this phase, sexual desire and energy increase, thanks to the increase in estrogen together with the influence of oxytocin and serotonin. In addition, it is a favorable period for procreation, since it is the time when we have the best chance of becoming pregnant.
To take advantage of this phase we can see procreation in another way, not the literal one. For example, putting all our energy in being creative, this will help the projects we have to flow. Also, sharing and giving our love and support to those who need us. In this way we nurture our goals, and we empathize and share with others.
Luteal phaseThe last of the phases of the menstrual cycle is the luteal phase. Thus, after ovulation, the corpus luteum is released. This is a structure inside the ovaries that contains the developing egg. If it has not implanted, the corpus luteum stops producing progesterone. Thus, the lining of the uterus will be shed at the next menstrual period.
A week before menstruation, estrogen and progesterone decrease, then there is usually premenstrual syndrome, during which there may be:
Sadness.
Irritability.
Less concentration.
Anxiety.
Bad mood.
Back pain.
Headache.
Decreased sleep.
abdominal pain
cravings
Diarrhea or constipation.
However, there are cases in which a serious limitation may occur because it is in which the symptoms occur with greater intensity. On the other hand, premenstrual dysphoric disorder may appear. Studies on its incidence tell us that 3% to 8% of women are affected.
In fact, a study by Uriel Halbreich and colleagues, published in the journal of Psychoneuroendocrinology, revealed that the deterioration and quality of life of people with this disorder is similar to that of dysthymic disorder.
Even if there is all this avalanche of emotionsEven if there is all this avalanche of emotions, you can take advantage of this phase. How? It is the time to release all the burdens we carry. A great idea is to express our thoughts and feelings, this will make us feel less tense. Then, it is the great opportunity to let go of what does not benefit us.
We could put aside the pessimistic view of the menstrual cycle and see it as an opportunity to connect with ourselves, being aware of our body and mind. We can make the follicular phase a period of reflection and decision, the ovulatory phase a time of expression, the luteal phase a liberating moment and the menstrual phase a period of emotional growth.
Each of the phases of the menstrual cycle manifests itself through our body and mind. Knowing them helps us to know more about ourselves and to turn the changes into great benefits. The menstrual cycle consists of many parts, not everything is negative, it depends on the perspective from which we see it.
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I was born whole, I don't need a better half
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п»ї<title>I was born whole, I don't need a better half</title>

Let's admit it, there are many of us who still dream of finding our better half. This term summarizes a deeply rooted ideal in our society where we aspire to find someone who summarizes a whole ideal of perfections. They are those profiles that fit in each of our fragments, they are that much desired soul mate and also the other side of our red thread.
What is the problem in assuming these concepts? Actually many. It is feeding false idealism. It is reinforcing a bias about emotional relationships that can lead to disappointment, frustration and unhappiness. This myth beautifully (but unrealistically) conveyed to us by Plato in his work the Banquet and which needs to be qualified.
"I am not interested in you loving me "a lot", but that you love me well and better every day. Love is not a matter of quantity."
-Walter Riso
The false belief of the "better half" or soul mate
I am not a fruit, I am a person, I have everything I need to feel complete and to live a full life without needing other people to complete me. My happiness depends on me, not on another soul mate. I don't believe in fairy tales, nor do I believe in prince charming, princesses or romantic ideals. I believe in myself and in my possibilities to make myself happy.
Idealizing a person with thoughts like "we are made for each other" can be dangerous. With time and day by day we discover that far from absolute perfection, frictions and discrepancies arise. Thus, and in case of not knowing how to deal with (or accept) these, dissatisfaction and frustration appear.
Couples are not perfect and inevitably problems will arise over time. Sometimes, problems have their origin in differences of values, education, culture, tastes and customs... However, as John Gottman, a famous expert in relationships, explains that many of us start relationships almost because of an ideal and without fully knowing the other person.
The idea of considering ourselves as "incomplete beings "The big mistake behind the myth of the better half is to consider that we are incomplete beings and that we can only achieve fulfillment when we find true love, which will allow us to be happy. But to make all our happiness depend on a couple relationship is a great mistake and will prevent us from being happy.
People who are happy are happy regardless of whether they have a partner or not.
We are all complete people, we do not lack a piece, nor a half to be able to achieve what we propose.
We are whole oranges, not a half orange waiting to find its other half.
In fact, the success of a relationship lies in both people being complete, independent and happy. Of course, love between two oranges, two apples, two strawberries is much better than love between two halves. It is about sharing life, the good and the bad, and enjoying the other person as he or she is.
Likewise, studies such as the one conducted by Dr. Rusbult C. Kumashiro and Dr. Miche Kubacka remind us of the dangers of feeding the so-called Michelangelo syndrome. That is, feeding an ideal, and basing a relationship on that aspiration towards perfection in a bond generates suffering.
You are not a half of an orange, love yourselfLove ourselves is a pending subject for many people. It is something fundamental to build our happiness and above all to relate to others. Here are some tips on how to love yourself more:
Value your qualitiesOn many occasions we torture ourselves by seeing what we do wrong and feeling guilty about it, but it is necessary to put aside the bad and appreciate the many good qualities we have. Think about what you do well and write it down to see it every day and remind yourself how wonderful you are.
"If you live to please, everyone will love you, except yourself."
-Paulo Coelho
Don't seek the approval of othersThroughout our lives many people try to influence what we do and the decisions we make. But it is necessary to stop trying to please everyone, because it is impossible.
Sometimes we must put a limit to others so that they do not influence our feelings. Feeling good does not require the approval of other people, whether they are friends, family or partner.
The only approval you should seek is your own.
Don't compare yourselfWe are unique beings, different from each other, comparison will generate unhappiness. You are unique, you possess weaknesses, defects, qualities and strengths that no one else possesses. Your culture, your education, your experiences form a unique combination that makes you completely different from others.
Learn to speak your mindWe keep our opinions to ourselves for fear of "what others will say" or the reactions of others, but your opinion is valuable and should be expressed. Besides, if you keep it to yourself, how will others know you?
You just need to be respectful and speak assertively, so that others will listen to you without being offended. Sometimes your ideas will be different, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be expressed.
"We were led to believe that each of us is half of an orange, and that life only makes sense when we find the other half. They didn't tell us that we are born whole, that no one in our lives deserves to carry on our backs the responsibility of completing what we lack."
-John Lennon
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How do I know if I am past the grieving period?

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п»їBeyond what we may think, it is not always easy to know if we have overcome the mourning period. That psychological reaction to the loss may still be unfinished and act as an infected wound, as a camouflaged injury that fills our life with conditioning, with limitations. It is necessary, therefore, to recognize the clues of these pending and unresolved griefs.
We understand grief as any vital event that involves letting go of something or someone significant for us. It can be the loss of a loved one, an emotional breakup, losing a job or even leaving behind a certain role that identified us and made us feel fulfilled. Such an event supposes above all the abrupt disappearance of a bond and the extinction of a type of affective reality that we are obliged to reconstruct.
"Any attempt to eliminate the mourning only irritates it even more. You must wait until it is digested and then amusement will dissipate its remnants."
-Samuel Johnson
So, when asked what is the best way to cope with grief, there is no universal strategy. Each person reacts differently, and this is probably the greatest difficulty. We cannot therefore recommend a set of "normative" coping techniques that will work for everyone, because there is nothing more private, disordered and chaotic than grief.
However, there is one thing we cannot neglect: the human capacity for resilience is immense. Even if we can never completely heal the emptiness of that loss, we will manage to live with it. We can even allow ourselves to be happy again, but it is necessary to have faced and effectively overcome our personal grief.
Signs of not having overcome the period of mourning Curious as it may seem to us, there are private and almost invisible mourning in our society. They are those sometimes unauthorized bereavements where the mourner is not always recognized. An example of this would be mothers who lose their babies during pregnancy, a traumatic event in which many women undoubtedly require specialized support that is often lacking in hospitals.
Children are also part of this group that is not always understood. There are many small children who live their grief in silence in an environment that continues to believe that they, because of their age, do not yet understand what death is. On the other hand, it should also be noted that men are also often part of these unauthorized bereavements for a very specific reason.
In many countries the figure of the man continues to have that rational and protective role where he is expected not to express his emotional pain openly. Often, this conception hinders the reconstruction process itself after a loss, to the point of chronifying states of helplessness that need to be sensed and of course treated.
Let us therefore see below what symptoms may be evidenced by the fact of not having overcome the mourning period.
We are still unable to talk about the person we have lostAt every mourning process there must come a decisive moment. It is the moment when we finally open up. It is where we need to talk to someone about the lost relationship, about that person or that complex situation we have left behind. Talking, expressing ourselves, remembering, bringing certain memories to the present relieves and comforts, and also favors emotional relief.
If several months and years have passed and we still cannot talk about that person, the grief has not yet been overcome. If we perceive a wall, a lump in our throat and we are reluctant to bring that event or that significant figure back to our memory, it is necessary to ask for professional help.
Events that trigger excessive emotional reactionsThe person can apparently lead a normal life. However, in his day to day life, sudden emotional reactions may appear that no one can understand. Sometimes an object, a certain music, a specific situation, etc., acts as a trigger for the memory.
The unresolved pain of the loss suddenly emerges when the door is opened to that past where the emptiness of the loss is still present as an open wound.
Constant changes in lifestyle
Another evident fact that we have not overcome the mourning period is the constant need to make changes. Some people are unable to keep the same job for two months in a row. Friendships, hobbies and even interests change. Nothing satisfies or soothes and everything ends up boring. The constant search for new things to make us forget is almost constant.
Mood changesThere are patients with clear symptoms of not having overcome the mourning period that show periods of euphoria and periods of isolation and great apathy. They oscillate between the need to be surrounded by people with others where they seek solitude and personal recollection. All these are evident clues of masked grief that completely undermine the quality of life of the person.
It is also worth mentioning that in many of these cases it is common to end up diagnosed with subclinical depression. It is a disorder that does not meet the clinical criteria of a major depression, nor of a minor depression or dysthymia, but nevertheless, the emotional exhaustion is present in a very evident way.
When will we know that we have overcome the period of mourning? We have seen up to the moment all those symptoms more or less camouflaged that would indicate us that our loss, still continues too much present. So much so as to condition our life, limit it and leave us trapped in a state of chronic suffering. It must be said that as we have seen, many of these symptoms end up shaping psychological disorders that further undermine our opportunity to move forward, to allow us to be happy again.
We must understand that we must give our brain time to adapt to a reality that has changed abruptly and even unfairly. And for this, in this transition period that can last months and years, we will be helped by our environment, our attitude and also by good professionals to be able to work with them on those pending and particular issues of all mourning.
Thus, some of the evidences that support the hypothesis that we have overcome the mourning period are the following:
We can talk about the person we have lost normally. We allow ourselves to get emotional and even cry, but we do so with acceptance.
We put plans on the horizon and look forward to new life goals.
We create a space for that person within ourselves. Far from leaving them behind, we keep them present as a precious asset to be integrated into our reality but without depending on them. We remember her with affection and affection but without letting the pain block us.
We open ourselves to our environment. We say "yes" to meet new people, to expand our relationships and let positive emotions embrace us without guilt or guilt.
The happiness that we allow ourselves to experience today, can be a good tribute to those people we left behind but who live safely in our hearts.
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