How do I know if I am past the grieving period?
can you buy modafinil over the counter п»їBeyond what we may think, it is not always easy to know if we have overcome the mourning period. That psychological reaction to the loss may still be unfinished and act as an infected wound, as a camouflaged injury that fills our life with conditioning, with limitations. It is necessary, therefore, to recognize the clues of these pending and unresolved griefs.
We understand grief as any vital event that involves letting go of something or someone significant for us. It can be the loss of a loved one, an emotional breakup, losing a job or even leaving behind a certain role that identified us and made us feel fulfilled. Such an event supposes above all the abrupt disappearance of a bond and the extinction of a type of affective reality that we are obliged to reconstruct.
"Any attempt to eliminate the mourning only irritates it even more. You must wait until it is digested and then amusement will dissipate its remnants."
-Samuel Johnson
So, when asked what is the best way to cope with grief, there is no universal strategy. Each person reacts differently, and this is probably the greatest difficulty. We cannot therefore recommend a set of "normative" coping techniques that will work for everyone, because there is nothing more private, disordered and chaotic than grief.
However, there is one thing we cannot neglect: the human capacity for resilience is immense. Even if we can never completely heal the emptiness of that loss, we will manage to live with it. We can even allow ourselves to be happy again, but it is necessary to have faced and effectively overcome our personal grief.
Signs of not having overcome the period of mourning Curious as it may seem to us, there are private and almost invisible mourning in our society. They are those sometimes unauthorized bereavements where the mourner is not always recognized. An example of this would be mothers who lose their babies during pregnancy, a traumatic event in which many women undoubtedly require specialized support that is often lacking in hospitals.
Children are also part of this group that is not always understood. There are many small children who live their grief in silence in an environment that continues to believe that they, because of their age, do not yet understand what death is. On the other hand, it should also be noted that men are also often part of these unauthorized bereavements for a very specific reason.
In many countries the figure of the man continues to have that rational and protective role where he is expected not to express his emotional pain openly. Often, this conception hinders the reconstruction process itself after a loss, to the point of chronifying states of helplessness that need to be sensed and of course treated.
Let us therefore see below what symptoms may be evidenced by the fact of not having overcome the mourning period.
We are still unable to talk about the person we have lostAt every mourning process there must come a decisive moment. It is the moment when we finally open up. It is where we need to talk to someone about the lost relationship, about that person or that complex situation we have left behind. Talking, expressing ourselves, remembering, bringing certain memories to the present relieves and comforts, and also favors emotional relief.
If several months and years have passed and we still cannot talk about that person, the grief has not yet been overcome. If we perceive a wall, a lump in our throat and we are reluctant to bring that event or that significant figure back to our memory, it is necessary to ask for professional help.
Events that trigger excessive emotional reactionsThe person can apparently lead a normal life. However, in his day to day life, sudden emotional reactions may appear that no one can understand. Sometimes an object, a certain music, a specific situation, etc., acts as a trigger for the memory.
The unresolved pain of the loss suddenly emerges when the door is opened to that past where the emptiness of the loss is still present as an open wound.
Constant changes in lifestyle
Another evident fact that we have not overcome the mourning period is the constant need to make changes. Some people are unable to keep the same job for two months in a row. Friendships, hobbies and even interests change. Nothing satisfies or soothes and everything ends up boring. The constant search for new things to make us forget is almost constant.
Mood changesThere are patients with clear symptoms of not having overcome the mourning period that show periods of euphoria and periods of isolation and great apathy. They oscillate between the need to be surrounded by people with others where they seek solitude and personal recollection. All these are evident clues of masked grief that completely undermine the quality of life of the person.
It is also worth mentioning that in many of these cases it is common to end up diagnosed with subclinical depression. It is a disorder that does not meet the clinical criteria of a major depression, nor of a minor depression or dysthymia, but nevertheless, the emotional exhaustion is present in a very evident way.
When will we know that we have overcome the period of mourning? We have seen up to the moment all those symptoms more or less camouflaged that would indicate us that our loss, still continues too much present. So much so as to condition our life, limit it and leave us trapped in a state of chronic suffering. It must be said that as we have seen, many of these symptoms end up shaping psychological disorders that further undermine our opportunity to move forward, to allow us to be happy again.
We must understand that we must give our brain time to adapt to a reality that has changed abruptly and even unfairly. And for this, in this transition period that can last months and years, we will be helped by our environment, our attitude and also by good professionals to be able to work with them on those pending and particular issues of all mourning.
Thus, some of the evidences that support the hypothesis that we have overcome the mourning period are the following:
We can talk about the person we have lost normally. We allow ourselves to get emotional and even cry, but we do so with acceptance.
We put plans on the horizon and look forward to new life goals.
We create a space for that person within ourselves. Far from leaving them behind, we keep them present as a precious asset to be integrated into our reality but without depending on them. We remember her with affection and affection but without letting the pain block us.
We open ourselves to our environment. We say "yes" to meet new people, to expand our relationships and let positive emotions embrace us without guilt or guilt.
The happiness that we allow ourselves to experience today, can be a good tribute to those people we left behind but who live safely in our hearts.
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