I was born whole, I don't need a better half
modafinil 10 mg п»ї<title>I was born whole, I don't need a better half</title>
Let's admit it, there are many of us who still dream of finding our better half. This term summarizes a deeply rooted ideal in our society where we aspire to find someone who summarizes a whole ideal of perfections. They are those profiles that fit in each of our fragments, they are that much desired soul mate and also the other side of our red thread.
What is the problem in assuming these concepts? Actually many. It is feeding false idealism. It is reinforcing a bias about emotional relationships that can lead to disappointment, frustration and unhappiness. This myth beautifully (but unrealistically) conveyed to us by Plato in his work the Banquet and which needs to be qualified.
"I am not interested in you loving me "a lot", but that you love me well and better every day. Love is not a matter of quantity."
-Walter Riso
The false belief of the "better half" or soul mate
I am not a fruit, I am a person, I have everything I need to feel complete and to live a full life without needing other people to complete me. My happiness depends on me, not on another soul mate. I don't believe in fairy tales, nor do I believe in prince charming, princesses or romantic ideals. I believe in myself and in my possibilities to make myself happy.
Idealizing a person with thoughts like "we are made for each other" can be dangerous. With time and day by day we discover that far from absolute perfection, frictions and discrepancies arise. Thus, and in case of not knowing how to deal with (or accept) these, dissatisfaction and frustration appear.
Couples are not perfect and inevitably problems will arise over time. Sometimes, problems have their origin in differences of values, education, culture, tastes and customs... However, as John Gottman, a famous expert in relationships, explains that many of us start relationships almost because of an ideal and without fully knowing the other person.
The idea of considering ourselves as "incomplete beings "The big mistake behind the myth of the better half is to consider that we are incomplete beings and that we can only achieve fulfillment when we find true love, which will allow us to be happy. But to make all our happiness depend on a couple relationship is a great mistake and will prevent us from being happy.
People who are happy are happy regardless of whether they have a partner or not.
We are all complete people, we do not lack a piece, nor a half to be able to achieve what we propose.
We are whole oranges, not a half orange waiting to find its other half.
In fact, the success of a relationship lies in both people being complete, independent and happy. Of course, love between two oranges, two apples, two strawberries is much better than love between two halves. It is about sharing life, the good and the bad, and enjoying the other person as he or she is.
Likewise, studies such as the one conducted by Dr. Rusbult C. Kumashiro and Dr. Miche Kubacka remind us of the dangers of feeding the so-called Michelangelo syndrome. That is, feeding an ideal, and basing a relationship on that aspiration towards perfection in a bond generates suffering.
You are not a half of an orange, love yourselfLove ourselves is a pending subject for many people. It is something fundamental to build our happiness and above all to relate to others. Here are some tips on how to love yourself more:
Value your qualitiesOn many occasions we torture ourselves by seeing what we do wrong and feeling guilty about it, but it is necessary to put aside the bad and appreciate the many good qualities we have. Think about what you do well and write it down to see it every day and remind yourself how wonderful you are.
"If you live to please, everyone will love you, except yourself."
-Paulo Coelho
Don't seek the approval of othersThroughout our lives many people try to influence what we do and the decisions we make. But it is necessary to stop trying to please everyone, because it is impossible.
Sometimes we must put a limit to others so that they do not influence our feelings. Feeling good does not require the approval of other people, whether they are friends, family or partner.
The only approval you should seek is your own.
Don't compare yourselfWe are unique beings, different from each other, comparison will generate unhappiness. You are unique, you possess weaknesses, defects, qualities and strengths that no one else possesses. Your culture, your education, your experiences form a unique combination that makes you completely different from others.
Learn to speak your mindWe keep our opinions to ourselves for fear of "what others will say" or the reactions of others, but your opinion is valuable and should be expressed. Besides, if you keep it to yourself, how will others know you?
You just need to be respectful and speak assertively, so that others will listen to you without being offended. Sometimes your ideas will be different, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be expressed.
"We were led to believe that each of us is half of an orange, and that life only makes sense when we find the other half. They didn't tell us that we are born whole, that no one in our lives deserves to carry on our backs the responsibility of completing what we lack."
-John Lennon
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