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Has anyone ever made you believe that you were crazy? That what you claim so much has never happened? When you are made to doubt your judgment, what you believe has happened, you can become confused and even fall into depression. It is a very effective strategy of manipulation that many people use to make others suffer and take advantage of them. We are talking about Gaslighting, also known as gaslighting, the most subtle and corrosive form of abuse.
The term "Gaslighting" is not chosen at random, but is taken from a movie known as "Gaslight" in which the protagonist makes his wife believe that she is delirious and that she should go to a psychologist. All this has a purpose, to steal her fortune. A real torture for anyone who becomes a victim of this brutal deception.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse.
Gaslighting, the manipulators' weaponAlthough we are not yet very familiar with this term, the truth is that Gaslighting is used much more often than we think. It is one of the manipulators' weapons, the one with which they can make the victim go crazy and end up submitting to what they want. Do you need to see some examples? Maybe they are familiar to you.
Let's imagine that there is a couple in which one of the partners tells the other that when they had a certain conversation they felt hurt. The other person tells him/her that he/she doesn't remember that, that he/she is making it up and that he/she would never have said that. Although this can be questioned, the manipulator has just sown something very important: the seed of doubt.
From then on, a series of circumstances will occur that will remind the victim of that moment when her partner told her that things had not been as she had imagined. In any other similar situation, the manipulator will tell her that she is exaggerating, that she is lying, that her extreme sensitivity is playing tricks on her. The seed will germinate and, little by little, the other person may come to think that he or she is really blowing things out of proportion.
If you start lying to avoid being changed or constantly question your ideas and actions, you may be a victim of manipulation.
In the most extreme cases, the person who carries out this type of abuse hides objects and constantly causes the other person to think that he or she has a wrong perception and that his or her memories are unreliable. The reason why this is done is nothing more than to subdue the other, to feel empowered, to hurt or to achieve a certain goal, as in the movie "Gaslight". What we do have clear is that it is a clear sign of a toxic relationship in which one of its members acquires a great insecurity, constant doubts about what he/she believes to be true and an absolute dependence on the opinion of others.
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The invisible emotional manipulation
We all know ways of manipulation: blackmail, insults? But there is another very harmful type of manipulation, the invisible emotional manipulation.
Trust your intuitionIs it difficult to get out of such a situation? Of course it is, as it is in any situation where there is a person willing to manipulate us. But, it is not impossible. That is why it is important to take into account certain keys that allow us to open our eyes and get out of a situation like the one we are describing, in case someone is trying to Gaslight us at some point.
The first of these keys is to trust our intuition. When we feel that there is something strange, that something does not fit, we cannot give the whole truth to the other person. Our instinct is speaking to us and we have to listen to it. It is usually at least as "right" as someone else may be.
The second key is not to seek the other person's approval. This is something we often do because of low self-esteem or because we depend on that acceptance. But, if our instinct is already telling us that something smells bad, don't agree with the person who tells us that a certain conversation never happened.
Let them know how we feel and how we experience it. Let us make it clear that there is also the possibility that the other person has forgotten what happened and that we do not offend him/her when we question his/her memories, just as the other person should not offend us when he/she questions ours.
The third of these keys is to remain firm in our limits. If the other person yells at us, if he or she uses hurtful words with us or we notice that he or she is trying to use us to get us to do what he or she wants, let's say so and not let it go. Let us not allow someone to cross our limits or reinforce the idea that they can do so with impunity, as these must be insurmountable. Once we give in there is no turning back and a psychologically abusive person will take advantage of this opportunity.
Gaslighting can destroy our self-esteem, cause us to completely lose confidence in our judgment, provoke anxiety disorders and even lead to a state of depression.
We may doubt ourselves, but in such a case it is best to seek evidence independently. Think of Gaslighting as a strategy that feeds the belief that we experience a reality very different from what an objective narrator would detail. Thus, our thoughts begin to become obsessive, giving even more force to this idea.
Moving away from the person who is making us feel so bad is important to take distance and analyze the situation from a new perspective where manipulation cannot intervene. Giving the reason to the other person, when he/she makes us doubt ourselves, will give him/her all the power to destroy us.
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